They're baaaack

I love living in a university town. We get all the benefits of the university, like cool movies and bands, an educated populous of professors and graduate students and lots of opportunities for mini classes and extension courses. Unfortunately, we also get the undergrads.



Anyone who knows me, knows I hate the undergrads. They are shiftless, filthy, destructive, irresponsible drains on the city resources. They show a constant disregard for the people and property around them and act like they are entitled to behave however they wish because the surrounding city and it's services like Parks and Rec and the police are there to serve only them. Several times of year including Halloween and a spring block party they throw enormous parties that require an enormous police presence that costs taxpayers a ton of money in police overtime. I know that I did not behave like this as a college student and I hope to God that Olivia doesn't ever think that she can.

So the blissful summer months when the students are mostly gone are over and they have moved back in and left probably hundreds of tons of landfill waste in their tracks. Chad claims that I sound like a Republican when I talk about the students, the dirty hippies on State Street and their bad music, and Puerto Rico. I don't care, I wouldn't put my own kid over my knee, but these kids would get it in a second.

Full Moon Fever

One of the upsides to being an insomniac is the fact that i was up to see the lunar eclipse. The eclipse is one of those things that reminds Chad and I why we are meant for each other. I woke him up and we went and sat in the middle of our quiet, deserted street, held hands and were geeks in love.

We both are huge astronomy geeks, however both a little math challenged. Chad actually took astronomy for like a week in college, i knew better and just spent my entire childhood begging my mother to go to Space Camp.

It was just an amazing special treat for Chad and I to have a little quiet time that was just for us to admire the beauty of our house and street in the pitch dark, look at the stars and be in awe of the universe. I tried to use it as a time to think about how long the universe was here before us and how long it will be here after us. I actually find that comforting and it made some big terrible things seem a little smaller, for a little while.

Going back to school

I have decided that on those commercials for correspondence courses where you can learn to be a paralegal, vet tech, dental assistant they need to add meteorologist to the list. When i woke up this morning to what the weatherman told me last night was supposed to be a sunny sky, i heard only thunder. So I toddle down to my computer to find out where this storm is coming from and how long it will last, the weather channel tells me that I am experiencing sunny skies, fair weather all day. Apparently, the asshats at the weather channel were not looking at their satellite photo where my entire state was orange.

So, i think that since i have an obviously superior and natural ability to read a weather satellite photos that I am going to write in, get my asshat degree, and post random weather predictions on this blog right here.

What We Did On Our Summer Vacation

Here's a little photo dump from the last month. Olivia and her class at the city bus stop on the way home from the zoo. Chad, Olivia and Ali in the pool in Door County and Olivia making green , of course, cupcakes. Thank God most of my friends are pregnant and will eat anything.

She's a maniac

So here is another things that is cheering me up. Olivia has caught onto our current fitness craze and loves doing yoga with me. I finally was able to get me hands on a yoga for kids DVD from the library so this is her morning workout outfit. In case you are wondering, there are no pants, Olivia feels most a peace with her center if she is in her underwear.

Storm recovery

It appears that we will be getting a reprieve from our wet weather soon and I have had some help getting pulled out of my stormy mood. A call from Angie, and her impersanation of a hibachi chef, was nearly enough all on its own. But two nights in a row of homecooked meals, dropping one lousy pound, and a little TGIF Starbucks pulled me over the finish line this week.



Now I am looking forward to a weekend with my hubby, The Bourne Ultimatum on Sunday and hopefully a sunset run. Next week is only four days, its hard to screw that up.

Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

There are days, and thankfully i don't have many, that i cannot quiet my inner bitch. i try, but I fail. Today I'm not even sure I am trying. I did feel it coming on last night, so I put myself to bed early and then put myself back to bed after getting the kids off this morning. No luck. I am CRABBY! I am starting to forget what sunshine is after, literally now, weeks of rain. Three people, one of which was a toddler, were electrocuted at my bus stop yesterday after a lightning struck a power line right next to them. Chad's end of summer softball game was cancelled, which has made my daughter crabby. We have had some pretty sick friends, flooding neighbors, and the few last weeks of summer that we had after travel and visitors that we were going to spend as a family have been spent in our basement.

I am fighting with my health insurance company, and I am out of stamps. My floor needs to be mopped, and I hate mopping. I just yelled at my husband, and I know today is a day that I will probably yell at my child, or anyone who talks to me.

I think I'll move to Australia.

Yummy dialog

So Chad is on a health kick. By health kick I mean he convinced me to throw away all the cookies and we have started working out everyday. I will reserve my cynicism for how long it will last and how many of these we have been through because we are in the honeymoon period. however, i will offer you a frightening look into the mind of someone obviously addicted to food.

So monday on the way home from the grocery store this is what is going through my mind (at least I wasn't saying it out loud).

"God, that mac and cheese sounded so good."
"When was the last time Kraft mac and cheese was good? When you were six?"
"But I am so hungry and it just sounds filling and satisfying. I'll put peas in it and it will be sort of healthy. Plus it's fast i only have twenty minutes to eat."
"What part of eating healthier is eluding you right now?"
"Back the F@#$ off, I haven't had a cookie in a week!"
"Oh my God, I am talking to myself in my head. i am having a dialog in my own mind. Oh this is blogworthy."
"At least eat the granola bar in your purse."

What else you can do when stuck inside

Here's a nice double entandre. IFC has put out its list of the 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema. I had never heard of the film they ranked number one, but a few of my faves did make the list. Out of Sight, one Chad and I's favorties only made it to 26, but Unfaithful's steamy scenes went to 18. I was a little impressed that they picked a History of Violence as number two, considering the scene boders on spousal rape, but their justification made sense. I was also proud that i had seen a few films on the list, with IFC it was a kind of obscure crowd.

You have your next date night movie now, your welcome.

Why You Should Recycle Your Jokes

So Chad and I are in bed two nights ago joking about how much rain we have because it has rained continuously for 7 of the last eight days. So I say, "Do they sell arks on eBay?" Chad makes some jokes about the shipping and cost of bubble wrap, ha ha. The reason you should tell a joke a few times is because the next day when i told the joke to a neighbor she immediately responds with, "eBay? Do you know what they will be going for on there right now? I'd check Craigslist."

So keep it going people, when you have had enough rain that your yard has a moat and you wake up confused thinking at some point in the night you were transported to Seattle you need a good laugh. Because the forecast is rain for another week.

Fall Previews

We had Fall weather today. The rainy, gray, cool weather that I love the most. I actually disgusted myself with the sheer litter surrounding my side of the bed: cups, magazines, newspaper, books. I'm starting to get my lazy groove back. unfortunately, the rest of my family is bucking it like it is a rash. Chad spent most of the day complaining loudly about how it is still summer, damn it. And Olivia doesn't understand the words lazy or slow and I have tried it in several different languages. Where does she get that from?

Up To Date

Now i have responded to my own post and finally added a "other sites i visit section." This, obviously isn't a daily or comprehensive list, just a sampling. Mostly because my daily routine really consists of checking the weather, my bank account and my library holds, and that's not cool. This list, cooler. Of course, my husband is somewhere checking my internet history saying, "Pretentious much? When was the last time you went to the NYT site? Your history tells me three weeks ago."

My Bubbly, Bipolar Baby

Can you tell that Olivia and my lesson for the week is alliteration. Yeah, it hurts my brain sometimes too.

It is no secret that i am not the girliest of girls. Don't get me wrong, I love a mani/pedi as much as the next girl, but you would not catch me dead in make-up, glitter or any kind of pink. In fact, I looked, but unfortunately could not find, the photo of my mother and my maid of honor sitting on me on my wedding day so that my mother could apply mascara to my face and therefore be somehow vindicated for all the wrongs she done me.

But, I digress. My daughter is stuck in what I have decided is a permanent fashion crisis. At first, I would take photos of the outfits and it was cute. Now I am becoming concerned. Yesterday's outfit was a green baseball jersey, white eyelet skirt with yellow and orange butterflies, knee high purple and pink stripe socks, a red hair bow and blue galoshes with red cherries on them. The mishmash of colors isn't what alarms me. It is the bipolar personality clashes. Baseball with princess skirts, pirate eye patches with tiaras, shark shirts with tutus.

don't even post on here that I am supposed to embrace the gender bending tendencies of the enlightened 21st century that tells my daughter it is okay to love bugs and ballet. It is freaking exhausting for her parents. Ellie, her best friend, is it pink, is it princess? Then she loves it done. Us? Every trip to the store, library, etc is a crap shoot. Every time you think you have right answer, Olivia will love this book about sea creatures, she loves sharks. Nope dolphins and starfish, lame. Squid, oh they're kick ass. Irish dancers-no, flamenco-yes.

I was cleaning out her toy room today and it is just a mishmash of bizarre crap. The kid doesn't have blocks, but has has a jar full of bugs. She doesn't own a tea set, but she has like five homemade magic wands. So, yes, today is the day that i am freaking out that I have made my kid that freaky nerd who has no friends and comes to school half in pajamas half in clothes. oh marches to her own drummer is cute, until it is your kid.

Domestic Violence

i made the mistake of getting undressed in front of a mirror today and happened to catch a glimpse of the, like, nine thousand bruises and scratches on body. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but not much. So I think, what have i been doing? oh right, "playing" with my rough-housing three year-old. I have lost count of the number of times I have used the phrase, "Mommy is not a jungle gym!" I tell you, i deserve hazard pay.

A Positive Spin

i spend so much time bitching about bad parents I wanted to say that i saw a good one today. So to the dad at the children's museum who charged his daughter $600 for her pretend pizza because she was 6, good for you. Your kids were eating it up and you had twice the energy of the moms (myself included) who were only showing half-assed enthusiam for their kids' pretend concoctions.

Funny Moms

I also wanted to send a post out to my friend Rachel who is super fun because she is just like me. Regular mom that enjoys getting together with, well, me and talking about mom stuff. But in her secret life she is actually hilarious and deserves a blog dedicated to her one liners-which are beyond compare. Last week she boasted that she could turn anything into a muffin and this week she offered her feminine wiles to try and get my husband to impregnate me. While they may not sound funny here, she deserves the post because I am laughing just thinking about it.

Don't let it go to your head, Rachel. I'm the only monkey with a blog here, until Chip makes a way better one.

Angie Went and Got Herself Knocked Up

Now that she has finally announced it on her blog I can say that Angie is having a baby!!! It releases me from the secrecy state that i have been living in and allows me to tell complete strangers, I think. Which I plan on doing tomorrow, just for fun. I think Angie and Mike will soon fear my excitement for all things their baby so i have to get my blog posts in while I can.

Congrats guys for bringing one more smart mouth into this world.

The Best Part Of Vaca

Ever since we had a great trip out to Philly a few years back for Brittany's med school graduation, Chad and I have discovered the secret to vacation success. One vacation day at home. Up until this vacation, we had always maximized the vacation destination time. We flew back on Sunday nights and went to work Monday morning. Now we always leave one day before going back to work, but not a day to clean or do laundry or any of that junk. We plan one vacation day at home to do fun things here in Madison. Today we chose to do all unhurried things. Leisurely breakfast out, walk through campus and let Olivia touch whatever and dawdle as long as she wanted, while Chad read the paper to me aloud. We sat by lake, ate lunch on tv trays (why olivia loves that so much I will never understand) and baked cupcakes. Tonight is the last Mallards game of the season and it is bittersweet.

Sometimes i think that our hurried lives are okay because it makes the unhurried ones that much sweeter.

A State Without Denial

So we had out first up north vacation this weekend, which has apparently, inducted us into true Wisconsin resident status. I never realized that vacationing in the northern part of the state was such a big deal, but from what we gathered talking to other vacationers (ie conference attendees) is that it is an affront to the local economy that Chad and I don't have a cabin in the woods or a timeshare in Door County. It was beautiful and relaxing for Olivia and I, poor Chad worked and, well, worked.

What I found most striking about this vacation was all the little things that you do in your life and house that you are suddenly willing to let go on vacation. I am talking about little things like not making your bed, but also some fundamental things like how you set the air-conditioning. At home, it is an iron-clad dictatorship and I keep down the sweating, begging masses with an eighty degree thermostat. Partially, so that if i ever meet Al Gore I have something to put out there, but also because it is part of my stay-at-home regimen of guilt about not making any money, therefore I must keep all expenses as low as possible. Well, Al is probably sending me YouTube clips of the melting polar ice caps as we speak because we had that AC on so cold i wore as sweater inside. We left lights on, I threw nothing in the recycling bin, I used every towel in the joint and, yes, I ate red meat and drank caffeine like there was no tomorrow. I let Olivia eat french fries and potato chips and fudge.

It was startling to me all the little things that you deny yourself in normal life, all the things that you force yourself to do because you know it is the right thing. In the end, though, I was more relaxed coming home and turning down the AC and starting back to order. I had coffee today, but I don't think I'll eat another sweet for about a week. We get two weeks at home now so that Chad can go to trial, then it is back on the road for the Magical Mystery Tour of Horrors in strange beds and putting even more miles on the car. Can't wait.

The TV Is Making Your Baby Stupid

Seriously, what parent didn't know this? Wait until they are older and use tv effectively to get them to stop moving-all-the-time.

Thanks to Rachel, who obviously did not use these videos and enjoys mocking the parents who did as much as I do.

John Lennon Got It Wrong

If you live in this house, life is what happens in between houseguests and travelling. Cecily is gone, laundry and packing for the trip we take Thursday at 9 AM has commenced. We are on our way to the supposedly fabulous Landmark Resort for a conference (finally being a lawyer's wife pays off) and from there and overnight at Angie Oh's.

My calendar next week is blank. 100% blank. I actually kissed it. Let's see how long is lasts, i give it until Thursday.

Fake it til you make it

Chad has a few extra mommies to throw around since every mother who meets him wants to adopt him. So his best friend's mother is here this weekend, Chad calls her his fake mother. She is here, supposedly, to visit her number one grandchild, but now that number two has arrived well, we won't go there. The point is Cecily could make a good time out of a cardboard box so the fact that it has done nothing but rain (what is it about mother's visits and rain?) has not deterred her at all. Nor has the fact that we are obviously at the point of vacation fatigue after two weeks of Jim and then another week with our parents two weeks ago.

So God bless Cecily, the happiesst camper that ever was. Who will fake it until we drop the fake monniker and I am convinced that she was my mother all along.

i am an island

Some people find it odd that Chad never knows what is going on my blog. We just don't discuss it. in fact, he rarely checks or comments on my blog. I don't find this strange and I read a great quote in the book on my "What I Am Reading" list that explains why.

" I think the idea of writing by committee, or learning to write by committee is insanity. It's just simply insanity. I mean, writing is a very solitary process, it's all about being different from everything else-not the same."

I think this is why there are so many blogs. It is a not because we are a confessional tell-all society. It is because we are all trying to get a little solitary confinement in a world where we can always be reached and to use that confinement to differentiate ourselves in what is becoming an increasing homogenous society. My blog proves that while I shop at Target, drink at Starbucks and do nothing but talk about my kid all day like the rest of my friends, my blog stands as blatant and accesiable proof that I visit sites like Design Sponge and Bottom Shelf Books and my friends don't.

At least, it would if I ever got around to putting up links to my favorite sites. Great, another brillant thought flushed down the toilet.

Worst Nightmare

My thoughts go out to our neighbors to the west who were just driving home from work and were plunged into a nightmare.

When will you learn?

http://www.service.mattel.com/us/recall/39054_IVR.asp?prod=

If you have young child please click on this link to see if your child has been ingesting lead from our good friends in China and the corporate assholes who enable them. My daughter had three toys on this, luckily not within the prescribed date, but they are in the trash anyway. i don't trust that somebody was watching then or that they would have announced it if they had.

That poor mother whose child has been chewing on those stacking rings FOR THREE MONTHS. Olivia tested for levels of lead when she was young and it scared the hell out of me and was the last kick in the ass we needed to buy a house that was not old enought to have lead paint.

I hope class action clocks Mattel right in the face.

it's Raining Babies and Frappaccinos

So the exciting news is-everyone is pregnant, except me. Did you really think I would announce that via blog post? Rachel, I am looking in your direction. Seriously though, everyone else, are you looking to get pregnant? Spend about twenty minutes in my general vicinity. At first, it started out so great, one of my favorite friends is having her first and I got to do that estatic- freak-out crying in the middle of the store call and I get to do all sorts of fun buying and planning.

Then it was Olivia's best friend's mom with her second which is it's own kind of exciting because it is someone we actually like having a second. Plus, that baby is local so we get to maul it constantly. I am also convinced that this baby is my "in" with Ellie, but that's another post about my sickness of trying to get olivia's best friend to think that i am the coolest friend's mom.

Then it just started getting ridiculous. My next door neighbor, Olivia's pre-school teacher, the last mom left in my play group, other than me, to not have a second. It is getting to the point where my "congratulations, that's wonderful!" is starting to sound a little rehearsed. Don't get me wrong, i am getting to the point where babies are like puppies. They are so cute and I just want to squeeze them and love them, but then you get home and realize that you are covered in body fluids and they need to be let out every few hours and I think, "Whew dodged a bullet there." However, it does get a little lonely being the only, well, just one.

On a side note, a few people gave me gift cards to Starbucks for my birthday and I think I am putting on sympathy frappaccino weight.

Adrift

At first, the unscheduled part of summer seems liberating, but by August it is as oppressive as 93 degree heat. I just feel scattered, I find myself standing in the middle of the room trying to remember what I was doing-a lot. Friday starts another revolving door of houseguests and travelling. I have lots of fun and exciting news that deserves it's own post and will get to it soon I promise, but today is full of a million activities that I am already late for!