Rip the welcome mat from right out under them

The students are back. The down side of redoing the kitchen this summer is that the weather is so mild that I keep thinking that it is still June. Alas, I have missed my opportunity to sit in peace and quiet on the terrace and eat ice cream, to get a parking spot down town or claim a chair in the cafe at the Barnes and Noble. Today a simple trip across town was plagued with several near-death experiences as visiting parents and oblivious teenagers attempted to navigate Madison's streets for the first time. I was greeted with gorgeous views of trash piles dumped willy-nilly on the street and pedestrians wandering out into a 35 mph road nowhere near a crosswalk and giving YOU the dirty look.

I guess it is because i worked for families while i was in college that I always realized that Columbia was a real town where real people lived. Students here don't seem to get it that Madison does not completely revolve around the university. The state capitol employs far more people. i know I grouse about the students every year, but it makes me sad that I have to sift through these thousands of dead beats to find a baby sitter for my kid.

Doing It Live

SO I decided that I am as smart as Ann Althouse so I am going to give live blogging the Obama speech a try. I am already screwing it up because i am watching it on the TiVo because we had to take a break to fix the garbage disposal. So here it goes, fueled by Cherry Coke.

Obama enters

C-Yeah, he's not going to tell people to sit down like Bill did. Of course Bill was on the clock. . .
L-Even on the clock i bet Bill gives a better speech.

Obama thanks Hilary-again-Chad grouses about Hilary supporters being sore losers.

Obama acknowledges wife who is wearing the most hideous print I have ever seen. What is that jewelry? Her convention dresses have been in steep decline. Tomorrow we are going to see her wearing a circus tent attacked with a bedazzler.

Obama waxes on about the downtrodden, Chad points out that our home values are more affected by our f-ing neighbors who won't mow their lawn and we pause Obama to swap theories about whether or not they are selling drugs next door.

Those CNN facts are really annoying/distracting. Is anyone else bored with the testimonials? God they are all the same. Wait-breaking news David Duchovny is in treatment for a sex addiction, how can I get on that train?.

Why do I have to watch screens of of other people sitting in their living rooms? They are not even real people in their living rooms, you should show our living room where we are both half dressed surrounded by Coke and cookies. A great way to break through the wall of authenticity.

George Bush bad, blah, blah, blah. I hope this eight is enough thing isn't going to stick? Chad wants to know if Dick Van Patton is going to become new HHS Secretary.

You know this isn't a Clinton event because I haven't seen a single celebrity, where's Oprah? If I am going to have to see 9 million crowd shots one should be of Oprah, or at least exclusively attractive people.

Oooh good, that "nation of whiners" thing isn't going to die out. Well, Barak, I do know some whiners. Chad and I pause to debate whether or not that screen shot is Lincoln Chafee, but it isn't it is Grey Davis, even more confusing. Who let that guy in? Thank God for the iPhone, it solves all debates.

Oh that ownership bit is cute. I wish it dripped of sarcasm and disdain though, it was a little too rehearsed. Chad measures progress by whether or not you can buy a Wii. Well, to be fair Barak, I would consider the economy a success if I became a millionaire.

God these testimonials, it is like Extreme Home Makeover-the convention speech. Seriously, people are tearing up at the grandmother thing?

Obama throws out a string of obvious statements and some faith-tinged miscellany. Expression of faith check. Tax cuts? Aren't we in a record deficit? Grandiose oil addiction promises, JFK style. Clean coal? Have you discussed this with Al? I can tell you right now he doesn't approve. Chad I discuss the fact that the next generation of biofuels is cow crap. Once again, Wisconsin on the cutting edge of technology.

I love that spunky littlest Barak, she reminds me of Olivia in a few years. That dress is pure Olivia. When she pointed at Daddy, priceless. Put her up there for thirty minutes, preferably the thirty minutes previously occupied by Dwight Eisenhower's granddaughter.

Define afford Barak. I could "afford" Chad's education, I will just be paying it off while Olivia is still in college. Seriously, doesn't education mean more than thirty seconds? So disappointing, I think you will find that your steel worker in Detroit wishes he had more education now that he has no job.

That's right, milk those Hilary supporters with the ERA. Ugh, how many politicians promise cutting down the administration. JFK reference! Yeah, schooling parents that they need to turn off the tv! Chad spurns this remark. He wants no part of any mutual responsibility.

Yeah, well, the caves where Osama lives are in Pakistan and that's kind of touchy. . .JFK reference! Who are these new alliances that we are making exactly? Are we finally bringing Guam into the fold? Is Uzbekistan behind us? Tallyban, Talaban, what is the correct pronunciation? I though Bill did the war on terror bit better.

Oh, here we go, the who is the bigger patriot bit. If Barak drops trough and has a tattoo of the flag on his ass I will send $50 into his campaign right now. I think it is ironic that I have seen the MLK anniversary text bubble come up three times, but no references in the speech.

I think this is the first time Cleveland has made it into a presidential speech. The only stumble in the speech.. on the gays, that looks real bad. Thanks for shooting for the bare minimum on that one Barak. And we have made it full circle to Clinton's trademark they hate us dog and pony show.

it's about me? Do i get a motorcade? You are absolutely right Barak, I am so glad your ticket isn't full of career politicians. . . oh wait. That's right tell those Republicans it's okay to vote for you, everyone's doing it. I think they are coming to our shores because we have bombed the hell out of their country and they have nowhere else to go. And travel here is cheap because of the weak dollar.

Finally, MLK! Jeez dude. It helped punch it up a little, but not enough. I should be weeping at any MLK reference. I like those change posters though, good branding and graphics work. Chad and I disappointed that they have deviated from the U2 soundtrack. No fistbump? Whatever. Why do the fireworks look like the White House has been under some kind of nuclear attack?

I assert the speech was boring, Chad says my face is boring. Seriously, this music is awful.

Ta da!

No, it is not done by any standard definition of done, but it is functional. I have cooked two nights in a row and by the end of this weekend I may actually want to invite people into my home again. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I am really proud of Chad and I for the following reasons:

1) We have not killed or divorced each other. We may have thought horrible scathing things in our head, we have have told our friends what horrible spouses we have, but to each other's face there was actually minimal conflict. We have learned something in the last ten years, and it is know when to fold 'em. We each have strengths and there is more than enough work to go around, there is no need to step on each others toes.

2) We knew when to throw money at the problem. We have done a lot of the work ourselves, we have had a lot of help, and we have known that sometimes paying someone else can be the right answer even when the budget is tight. For instance, when our countertops arrived this week and Chad saw me nearly burst into tears and kiss the countertop installers on the mouth he knew that us taking another week to figure out how to hook the plumbing and dishwasher oursleves was not the right answer. Indeed, we would have paid a lot more money to put me in the asylum if I had to wash dishes in the gross laundry tub for even another day.

3) We were flexible. Chad and I are not fix it wizards. We try hard, but are skills are not exactly Bob Vila level. So we hit a lot of walls where we wanted something a certain way, but couldn't figure out how to do it ourselves. Sometimes the lesbian posse knew how, sometimes Jim did, but sometimes no one did and we couldn't afford to throw money at the problem. Instead of freaking out we got pretty creative and I think it will pay off in having a kitchen that is made of nice, neutral materials but has a lot of unique touches because we couldn't find what we wanted we had to cobble it together ourselves or sometimes with the help of the IKEA. It isn't perfect, but then again, neither are we.

So thanks to all of our friends, neighbors, families, and the Home Depot. We did it and you all helped.

Congrats!

To Ann and Jeremy on the birth of Alexa!!!! I'll ignore all my jealousies about the fact that she is just a smidge of a thing. I can't wait to meet her.

Culture Wars

The two hot topics of debate in our household this week have not been about politics, but about icons of pop culture. My parents insisted that we see Across the Universe this weekend, knowing that there are not too many bigger Beatles fans than the two of us. I was pleased with the movie overall, but it has sparked huge debates over the best Beatles songs of all time and how, if at all, Beatles songs should be rearranged. I, personally, am a George. While My Guitar Gently Weeps is my vote for best song, White Album best album. Chad is a Paul through and through. Early stuff like Revolver, or the happy-go-lucky songs on Abbey Road are his picks. i should note, however, that we both have a huge crush on John and consider him the most talented by far.

On the heels of this is Good magazine's article about whether or not The Catcher in the Rye should still be a part of high school curriculum. Snap! If there is one thing that gets up going like The Beatles it's novels of teenage angst and nostalgia for our teenage years when we were still cool. My vote is for yes, but I think the author of the article makes an excellent point that if we don't start injecting some ethnic diversity into the curriculum we are going to start losing the kids fast. After all, teenagers are seeing a lot more cultural, ethnic, religious diversity today than we ever did. Salinger's writing is still timeless to me, and lacks the jaded sarcasm so prevalent in modern novels of teenage angst.

So, how goes it blog readers? Want to engage in a throw down? Salinger, one note crank? White Album was a bunch of noise? Bring it on.

Post Olympic Stress Disorder

So i finally got a chance to recover a little from my Olympic exhaustion last night, only to realize that the Democrats are going to give me no reprieve. Now that they have announced the coronation of Sen. Gassbag as the VP I am going to have to watch every minute of convention coverage to see the million ways that the Democrats are going to f@#$ it up again this election cycle.

At least the convention is covered on the radio so i can work and listen at the same time.

Thanks Ang!

I think that Angie has steered me towards Chad's B-Day party for this year. Though instead of bowling I am thinking golf tournament, or maybe home run derby?

Big Love

Chad had a hearing in Green Bay yesterday so we hitched a ride and went to introduce Olivia to Luke. Whereupon, Olivia discovered that babies don't do much. No matter, she thought that he was the best baby ever and I was able to sneak in a few smooches too.

Speaking of shitty attitudes

Whew, Nelly, am I ready for this kitchen to be done. Yet for all my bitching and complaining i have one day that will stand out as the best day of the kitchen remodel and that was Monday. Monday came on the heels of a very busy weekend finishing the walls and trying to get in all the cabinets that needed counter tops. So when Monday rolled around I needed to have some semblance of normalcy return to my universe; everything is filthy, scattered across the whole house I have no empty surfaces to eat or set anything on, it is maddening. So I had a flash of genius and threw every empty cardboard box I have acquired in this long process, which is many, onto my driveway, filled up one with every art supply my daughter owns and invited over the neighbor kid.

Olivia was gone all day. I came out once to feed and rehydrate the children. After Olivia's nap, back out to the boxes, this time with action figures, dinosaurs and cars. She didn't come in until dinner. I was able to clean out all the drywall dust, put some stuff away and earn the undying gratitude of my neighbor. One day of peace in what has been anything but a peaceful process, there are no words for how how grateful I am to the cardboard box.

It's Great To Be #1

Here is the best product I have ever seen. I can think of a few choice people that I would love to anonymously send #1 In The Shitty Attitude Department, or Thanks For Being No Help What So Ever, or. . . must have them!

Bad Boy

I think Brad needs to take a little field trip here and buy me some nice throw pillows to make up for the fact that he apparently is no longer blogging.

With the inclusion of a transgendered contestant in the new cycle and last season's crowning of the first plus-sized Top Model Tyra has completed the circle of her viewing audience-fat girls and drag queens.

In the new

So the nice thing about a new kitchen is everything else you get rid of because you can't justify putting it back in the cabinet. One item that will not be rejoining its brethren is my sad ten year-old cutting board that has swelled and cracked so many times that I can't even cut a whole tomato on it. Naturally, what replaces it has to be worth a ten year wait. Here are the contenders:

Index Chopping Boards from MOMA Store, it's from MOMA so it is a work of art worthy of open shelving. Plus, it is dummy proof so Chad will stop butchering chicken on my vegetable board.

Boa Removable Tray Cutting Board, the removable tray will make composting easy.

Cork Cutting Board, the floor is cork, why not my cutting board? I like this because of how gentle it will be on my knives.

Olivia-Rock Star

Sorry that it is crooked, I didn't have enough time to figure out how to straighten it out.

White Trashed

Here are the sexy remodel photos as promised. Proof that the lesbian posse didn't do everything, though Chad pointed out later the photos don't really prove anything except that we got dirty. And that we used appropriate safety gear, I guess. After fifteen minutes in the Home Depot with, I am not kidding, sixteen different white paint samples i have chosen the perfect white and we have primed and painted. We still have one more coat and some touch up to do, but the end is in sight. J-We chose to texture the paint, not the spray texture, and it worked out well.

Olivia's 30 Seconds of Fame

Here is the horrible video that I took of Olivia's pitch. Thanks to everyone who came out for Olivia's thirty seconds of dream come true. Thank you also to anyone at the park, grocery store, library, etc who patiently listened to Olivia recount the tale over and over again. The team photographer took still photos that I will post as soon as I get them.

Gold Standard

Whoa Nelly! It has been a busy week. Olivia wrapped up most of her summer classes, Olivia and I had a short vaca in Door County while Chad conferenced and, of course, Olivia threw out the first pitch. However, the most all consuming event at our house has been the Olympics. We are all huge fans of the Olympics and the new tv and satellite television has made this year a non-stop Olympics extravaganza. We are currently recording two different channels and watching a third so we don't miss a minute of the obscure craziness. Here is a perfect example of the craziness: We have been painting all evening, I put the kid to bed, instead of bathing or washing in any way we both run down the stairs strip to underwear and sit on the floor in front of the tv so we don't get paint on the couch. Two hours later we are still here.

I don't know why I love them so much, probably because the majority of the athletes competing are people who work hard and get no love or respect from America. Synchronized diving, girls, you rock! The fact that it is in China has been a huge bonus in our house. Chad has been to China and we have had endless conversations about the art, culture, food, politics in the years since his visit. It also coincides nicely with Olivia being exposed to some Mandarin. However, Chinese is the least of it. Hearing Hungarian, Romanian, Japanese, watching the opening ceremonies and seeing countries that you didn't even realize existed is amazing to me. It is inspiring no end of wanderlust here for sure.

The best part is teaching Olivia about losing. One of her first questions was about what happens to the losers. We got to say in all confidence that were no losers, that just having the opportunity to compete made everyone winners. That most of the people that "lost" only lost by a fractions of a second. And that all of their mommies and daddies were proud of them no matter what.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Where to start today? Should I start with Olivia creating an elaborate con to get me to take her to the doctor's office so she could hang and visit with the nurses? I can sum this story up in one sentence. When the nurse determined there was absolutely nothing wrong with my child and the ruse was foiled Olivia turned to the nurse and said, "Okay, then my arm hurts. Can I have an x-ray?"

Or I can talk about my full scale consumerist meltdown in the Target where I informed my child and everyone near me in line to get the most pitiful lunch that I have possibly ever eaten that I was never buying or eating anything ever again. While I did, in fact, eat dinner flashbacks of this meltdown kept me from the Starbucks today.

Both of these stories really warrant their own blogs posts, but I am much too busy converting the video of olivia living out her rock and roll fantasies with a very large drum set to elaborate.

Quick update

Hey all, if you are planning to join us on Saturday, please grab your tickets soon. Apparently, our friends have bought out most of the section so we are making a party of it. I promise to bring something fun for everyone.

Building Blocks

So here are some current kitchen photos. We let Olivia and all the neighborhood kids live out their number one fantasy of coloring on the walls, all of them. Well, actually, it was the number two fantasy right after letting them put holes in the wall with a giant rubber mallet. Which was pretty fun, I must admit. Picture two is to alarm my father-in-law with a last minute and undiscussed removal of our pocket door and related door accouterments. Don't worry, Jocelyn supervised all saws-all related activities. Picture three is is a wall! With a bonus ceiling! I left out the super sexy photo of me in goggles and a mask sanding all the texture off the few remaining parts of the original wall.

I working very hard to convince my husband that a second child would have been much easier. Hell, a dog would have been easier.

IKEA Eat Your Heart Out

So here are a few of the cabinets and a sample of our floor. Everything is here except the dishwasher so next week is the moment of truth, can we attach cabinets to already marked studs, or are we completely home-improvement challenged?

Hero Worship

Every summer our local PBS station has a fair with booths and giveaways and semi-educational activities for the kids. Olivia is pictured here with one of her faves, Super Why. Why are you expressing surprise that she is in a tiara and lei? This fair generally acts as a reminder to me to set the TiVo for the Fall and start recording her shows again. It is also when I have to start thinking about curriculum planning again, yikes! After conversing with some of the other moms I ran into at fair I was struck at how literacy based all the PBS shows are. I understand that being able to read is extremely important, but at the expense of reasoning skills or developing spatial thinking? Most kids will eventually learn to read, however, I'm still not sure that I understand fractions.

Do you really need to read before you can add? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Fandom

So for those of you who have not seen us in the last few days we have some exciting news. Remember back when Olivia's Mallards Photo won Fan Photo of the Week? Yeah, well, now she is Fan Photo of the Season! I am not sure how such a thing is chosen, nor why they would choose a slightly disturbing child photo as opposed to the thousands of cute kid photos that I am sure they received. Then I heard what the prize is and it all made sense. The fan gets to throw out the first pitch at next Saturday's game.

Take one look at that photo and tell me that she does not look like a kid who is going to pitch the hell out of that ball. All local fans, we are in section D if you want to join us, tickets are available.

Best of the Worst

So I thought I would post a link to this since I have been stuck in eating out hell for a couple of weeks now. I was glad that most of our current hangouts rated well, but if you have forced to be eating out a lot by travel or remodel you should take a glance.

Excuse Me But There Is An Old Lady Doing Coke In The Bathroom

So yesterday we got the call that the cabinets were arriving five days early so Chad and i did some quick calculations and realized that we were going to be working our asses off round the clock to make it so our brand new cabinets weren't sitting in our garage for weeks. We had already made dinner reservations with some friends and hired a sitter so we decided to go for the gusto and do dinner AND a movie since we may never be able to anything except work on our kitchen ever again.

Our nice dinner was a fixed menu so with my meal I received salad nicoise. Yummy, except for the fact that after I had Olivia I developed an allergy to tuna. So I picked the tuna off, thinking I was in the good. I was wrong. Ten minutes before stepping into the movie I start to break out in hives. It is here where I make the calculated decision that I do not give a shit I am going to see Batman if it means Chad has to do an emergency tracheotomy with a drinking straw. Christian Bale is hot.

So I go into the movie theatre bathroom start splashing water on my face, hands, arms etc to quell the itching, sniffling like a madwoman. Also, I am constantly pursing my lips, which are starting to swell, to keep from scratching them. It is at this juncture that I notice that the bathroom vending machine has Advil which will at least slow the inflammation so I start fumbling for change, dropping half of it in my fervor to get ibuprofen in my body. While I am on the floor desperately trying to pick up pennies that I can't see because my eyes are watering I see four sets of Payless ballet flats stopped cold and I look up from the floor to see four teenage beauty queens staring at me in horror and disgust thinking that they are finally face to face with the crack addicts that they had only seen on tv. A twitching, scratching, sniffling woman on the floor scrambling for change to get her fix from the bathroom vending machine. I figured that ranting to them about being allergic to tuna was only going to fuel that fantasy, so i let them go out into the lobby and immediately huddle with their boyfriends and call their mothers and say, "I SWEAR TO GOD, Mom i think she was so high that she was eating popcorn off the bathroom floor."

The movie was pretty awesome though.