Doing It Live

SO I decided that I am as smart as Ann Althouse so I am going to give live blogging the Obama speech a try. I am already screwing it up because i am watching it on the TiVo because we had to take a break to fix the garbage disposal. So here it goes, fueled by Cherry Coke.

Obama enters

C-Yeah, he's not going to tell people to sit down like Bill did. Of course Bill was on the clock. . .
L-Even on the clock i bet Bill gives a better speech.

Obama thanks Hilary-again-Chad grouses about Hilary supporters being sore losers.

Obama acknowledges wife who is wearing the most hideous print I have ever seen. What is that jewelry? Her convention dresses have been in steep decline. Tomorrow we are going to see her wearing a circus tent attacked with a bedazzler.

Obama waxes on about the downtrodden, Chad points out that our home values are more affected by our f-ing neighbors who won't mow their lawn and we pause Obama to swap theories about whether or not they are selling drugs next door.

Those CNN facts are really annoying/distracting. Is anyone else bored with the testimonials? God they are all the same. Wait-breaking news David Duchovny is in treatment for a sex addiction, how can I get on that train?.

Why do I have to watch screens of of other people sitting in their living rooms? They are not even real people in their living rooms, you should show our living room where we are both half dressed surrounded by Coke and cookies. A great way to break through the wall of authenticity.

George Bush bad, blah, blah, blah. I hope this eight is enough thing isn't going to stick? Chad wants to know if Dick Van Patton is going to become new HHS Secretary.

You know this isn't a Clinton event because I haven't seen a single celebrity, where's Oprah? If I am going to have to see 9 million crowd shots one should be of Oprah, or at least exclusively attractive people.

Oooh good, that "nation of whiners" thing isn't going to die out. Well, Barak, I do know some whiners. Chad and I pause to debate whether or not that screen shot is Lincoln Chafee, but it isn't it is Grey Davis, even more confusing. Who let that guy in? Thank God for the iPhone, it solves all debates.

Oh that ownership bit is cute. I wish it dripped of sarcasm and disdain though, it was a little too rehearsed. Chad measures progress by whether or not you can buy a Wii. Well, to be fair Barak, I would consider the economy a success if I became a millionaire.

God these testimonials, it is like Extreme Home Makeover-the convention speech. Seriously, people are tearing up at the grandmother thing?

Obama throws out a string of obvious statements and some faith-tinged miscellany. Expression of faith check. Tax cuts? Aren't we in a record deficit? Grandiose oil addiction promises, JFK style. Clean coal? Have you discussed this with Al? I can tell you right now he doesn't approve. Chad I discuss the fact that the next generation of biofuels is cow crap. Once again, Wisconsin on the cutting edge of technology.

I love that spunky littlest Barak, she reminds me of Olivia in a few years. That dress is pure Olivia. When she pointed at Daddy, priceless. Put her up there for thirty minutes, preferably the thirty minutes previously occupied by Dwight Eisenhower's granddaughter.

Define afford Barak. I could "afford" Chad's education, I will just be paying it off while Olivia is still in college. Seriously, doesn't education mean more than thirty seconds? So disappointing, I think you will find that your steel worker in Detroit wishes he had more education now that he has no job.

That's right, milk those Hilary supporters with the ERA. Ugh, how many politicians promise cutting down the administration. JFK reference! Yeah, schooling parents that they need to turn off the tv! Chad spurns this remark. He wants no part of any mutual responsibility.

Yeah, well, the caves where Osama lives are in Pakistan and that's kind of touchy. . .JFK reference! Who are these new alliances that we are making exactly? Are we finally bringing Guam into the fold? Is Uzbekistan behind us? Tallyban, Talaban, what is the correct pronunciation? I though Bill did the war on terror bit better.

Oh, here we go, the who is the bigger patriot bit. If Barak drops trough and has a tattoo of the flag on his ass I will send $50 into his campaign right now. I think it is ironic that I have seen the MLK anniversary text bubble come up three times, but no references in the speech.

I think this is the first time Cleveland has made it into a presidential speech. The only stumble in the speech.. on the gays, that looks real bad. Thanks for shooting for the bare minimum on that one Barak. And we have made it full circle to Clinton's trademark they hate us dog and pony show.

it's about me? Do i get a motorcade? You are absolutely right Barak, I am so glad your ticket isn't full of career politicians. . . oh wait. That's right tell those Republicans it's okay to vote for you, everyone's doing it. I think they are coming to our shores because we have bombed the hell out of their country and they have nowhere else to go. And travel here is cheap because of the weak dollar.

Finally, MLK! Jeez dude. It helped punch it up a little, but not enough. I should be weeping at any MLK reference. I like those change posters though, good branding and graphics work. Chad and I disappointed that they have deviated from the U2 soundtrack. No fistbump? Whatever. Why do the fireworks look like the White House has been under some kind of nuclear attack?

I assert the speech was boring, Chad says my face is boring. Seriously, this music is awful.