For those of you who are not my Facebook friends have missed out on the drama that has been the Nutcracker audition. Olivia and I went to the Nutcracker here last year. It is a big to-do here in Madison that is put on by our professional ballet with additional cast members from professional companies in the surrounding cities, Milwaukee, Chicago, etc. There are are also several small parts that they cast from local dance schools. Olivia was absolutely convinced after one act that she MUST DO THIS. So I waited for her to forget about the whole thing all together so I would never have to be any part of this. Unfortunately, the School of Madison Ballet, I believe, hates me personally because they started doing free performances around town, clinics in the libraries, etc to raise awareness that all kids were eligible to audition. A totally unnecessary concern, since Olivia MUST AUDITION.
So after months of impatiently waiting the audition requirements and dates were released and that is when the nightmare that is The Nutcracker was unleashed upon my unsuspecting household. Technically, auditions are done by height, not age, but they did list an age preference and Olivia was too young. But damn if that kid isn't tall, so off we tromped to arrive 45 minutes early to pay for the privilege of auditioning for The Nutcracker. I thought surely she would never get in, since, well, she has no formal ballet training, she is too young and there were approximately ten thousand kids at this audition.
When i say ten thousand i mean that we walk into the studio and it is literally a sea of pink. Pink bags, pink leg warmers, pink sweaters, and the gemstones, oh the gemstones. It was like Bedazzler gone wild. It didn't help that every ten seconds we were being handed a new form, whisked in line to be numbered, photographed, and measured. For one small second I was worried that they would not be returning my daughter to me but making her into some kind of pink tulled sausage.
The girls are then arranged by height, Olivia, sadly, not being nearly the smallest, and I am thinking, really? You want your four year-old in evening performances, come on. Anyway, we then literally herded into a room where we are given the lecture about what a serious commitment this is and how if you don't get in your parents will buy you ice cream (thanks a lot jackass). All the while two instructors are pacing looking at the children, what they were looking for I can only guess. The child who never blinks, fatties, who knows? Parents leave. We return one hour later, during which Chad nearly pees himself he is so excited. Did I mention that Chad thinks this is a terrific idea? Oh yes, showdaddy has reared its ugly head and he is currently reliving his own child performer days. I was waiting for him to bust out "It's A Hardknock Life" right there in the lobby.
You want to know when I knew I was doomed? When she told me part of the audition was performing donkey kicks. A) This is possibly the most obscure dance move ever B) Olivia loves donkey kicks so much it was all she did in her dance performance last year. Because her school is so awesome that ten minutes of donkey kicks is a totally acceptable and applauded performance.
I will continue this story tomorrow because there is so much more.
