Just Add Water

Isn't this what your childhood is supposed to look like? I love these sprinkler parks which are relatively new to Madison. We have seen them a lot in the Southwest, Memphis, urban areas. Here they are intended to make cool places accessible to lower income kids who can't afford or get transportation to our new pool. However, I have yet to go to the new pool and have been to the sprinkler park quite a few times. Smaller crowds, fewer worries about Olivia being drowned by rough-housing older children and i can get in and cool down without being completely soaked.

Our days here are starting to climb towards 90 and since Chad and i have sworn off our air conditioning this summer, Olivia and I looking forward to a lot of picnics at the sprinkler park.

Maybe The Meds Aren't Working

I got the interior of my car detailed today so that when I have my daily meltdown of what a disaster my house is I can go sit in my pristinely clean car.

The Aliens Appear To Have Taken The Form Of Streetwalkers and Porn Stars

Whoa, Skinemax is not what I remember.

12 Steps To Living in An "Older" Home

The four stages of me and home improvement:

1) The Girl Power Stage-Look at me! I'm pulling up floor! I don't need a man for anything!

2) The Not As Cool As I First Thought Stage-I have broken most of my nails and i am developing an unpleasant odor stage.

3) Anger At Myself Or Anyone Who Is Near Me-When my window guy tried to rally me with encouraging words and compliments I informed him that i didn't want his respect, I wanted his pity so that I could go lie down in my bed with lemonade and have him finish the job.

4) Calls to my husband informing him that we are leaving the house to squatters and rodents and moving into a shiny new condo.

In the midst of all this we are trying to have a life so we headed over to the butterfly exhibit at our botanical gardens and took these shots.

People live like this

I am posting pictures of my kitchen remodel because a) there are a very few interested parties b) to show you that if you see me half crazed on the street you will pity and not shun me. These pictures show the before and after of my floor removal which is now completely finished. Yeah for level subfloors! The top photo shows my daughter after hearing her grandfather's constant safety refrains decided to walk around the house in full safety gear, just in case. At one point, I believe, the outfit also included sunglasses. Photo two is our new recessed lights, who knew that it was possible to walk through our kitchen without banging your head on a light fixture? Photo three is the new ceiling fan which is operated by remote. Apparently, as our daughter informs us, this is the only good part of the kitchen remodel. A remote controlled fan. So parents, save yourself a home equity loan and just buy yourself a small appliance operated by remote. Not pictured, one new window.

Late Night Drive In

Well, we have finally sent Jim on his merry way to do probably the same exact thing we did last night, flop down on the couch and not move for hours. That's when we discovered something horrible/beautiful. in the midst of all the kitchen craziness, Chad decided to change our satellite provider because he is trying to kill me, and this was really the first chance that we had gotten to do mindless channel flipping and to my surprise we have hundreds of new channels. Apparently, for the next four months we have it all, HBO Showtime, etc. People, this is huge. Chad and I gave up the premium channels right after Olivia was born so we have missed out on all sorts of business, The Wire, Dexter, Californication. Not to mention that Chad and I have seen like two movies this year.

So we peeled ourselves off the couch at 1 AM and I can now cross Superbad off my list.

Google this right now

If you love musicals, dark humor or Neil Patrick Harris you must Google Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. I have heard a rumor that soon you will have to pay to see it so do it soon.

Misadventures in Home Remodeling

It's kind of like Adventures In Babysitting except I can't get my hair quite as big as Elisabeth Shue's. I'm sure that by now you all thought that the boys had murdered me and had drywalled me in, but I live to tell the tale that seems to be summing up the current remodel situation.

I am at the lighting store, I have already purchased a ceiling fan and picked out recessed lighting and I think that I will peruse to see if I can find some really unobtrusive under cabinet lighting. The saleswoman asks what I am looking for and I tell her I want something really slim. She points to something about an inch and half thick. I say slimmer, she points out that it is plenty slim enough to go under a cabinet and the following conversation takes place:

Me: Yeah we don't have cabinets, I have done open shelving.

Her: Well even if you cabinets are open there will still be a lip that will cover the light.

Me: No, no cabinets only shelves.

Her: You mean like shelves, shelves?

Me: Yes, precisely, shelves.

Her: How big are the shelves?

Me: Shelf size.

Her: Just shelves?

Me: Do you need to sit down? You look like somebody just shaved you cat.

Her: I don't think I can help you with that.

Me: Roger that.

Our First Wii Injury

So I broke Chad's toe playing the Wii last week. It was an over-enthusiastic tennis-playing incident, totally an accident, totally not my fault. Chad should have been moving his whole body like I was, not just flipping his wrist like the game requires. Besides, the toe might not be broken, but you wouldn't know that by the bitching.

Secret Garden

SO in the midst of my father-in-law's visit, kitchen remodel, etc I decided to throw a baby shower for a long-time friend. I am estatic about my friends having kids and I would have thrown her a baby shower if I was missing the whole house. However, I recently uncovered some very telling toddler pictures of myself sitting on a six pack playing with my parents' bong that explains a lot.





But Ann is as fantastically organized and anal as I am and her wedding was nothing short of perfection and I felt that her daughter deserved the same treatment. I know that no one probably cares, but I thought that I would give my readers who be actually attending the shower a sneak peak.

The theme is secret garden and it will involve a photo booth for all attendees so be ready!

Busy Beaver

My father-in-law has arrived for two weeks of fun and games so I apologize in advance for sporadic postings. I know and I had just gotten good again. To give you a clue as to how the kitchen remodel is going, my father in law walked in last night and said, "I would just tear the whole wall down and start from scratch." Ouch! So I am going to spend the next few days convincing him that I will be, in fact, paying people to come in and do things and he will convince me that that's a horrible idea and he will spend two weeks fretting and fussing. I that is why I love him and simultaneously want to choke him, just a little, maybe not enough to do serious harm, just to make a point.

However, I think my ace in the hole with getting him out of the kitchen is about forty pounds and has been clinging to him like Saran Wrap. She has a very full itinerary planned for the two of them and has already informed me that I am merely the driver/lunch maker and that I am otherwise dead to her.

SO maybe i will have more time to post than I think?

Adler Planetairum, Why Do You Hate Me?

Seriously, throw a girl a bone. When you have a kid that asks a lot of questions there needs to be a part of the exhibit that REALLY dumbs down the concept so that i can answer at least some of the questions. You can even put it in really small print or put FOR DUMB PEOPLE, I won't be offended. Because this was up there in the most debasing experiences of my life. I am vividly recalling my daughter playing with some interactive exhibit asking:

"What is this Mommy, is it stars?"
"Uh no, it says it is nebulas, which might be stars. But if it was stars why wouldn't it just say stars?"
"Why are they bouncing Mommy?" Long pause. "Mommy?"
Chad interjects, "Why don't we call Chip."
"Shit! How did we leave the rocket scientist at home!?! Bad Mommy! Yeah, kiddo I have no idea what the heck this is. Let's go look at the pretty pictures."

Taste Tested

Chad and I are slowly moving through our checklist of things people can't believe that we haven't done since moving back to the Midwest. Camping, check. Taste of Chicago, check. I have been several times but for the rest of the fam this was a first and since it involved a day of doing nothing but eating crazy food, they were totally on board. We also went to the Adler Planetarium but that is a whole other post.

So Olivia ate her first cannolli, goat, shark, a pickle the size of her head, catfish lollipops, empanadas, dumplings, noodles of all stripes and, of course, deep dish pizza and a hot dog. I love the Taste because it is like going to the most ginormous buffet you have ever been to because they will sell you like these little mini portions of everything. It is a a fat foodie's paradise.

Top photo: Olivia with Chicago's finest, blue Italian Ice pusses, and the aforementioned pickle. I know what you are thinking, and yes, she ate all of it except the very last bit which fell in the dirt. Which would not have stopped her, but I felt that it was my duty to draw the line somewhere.

Best part of the Taste? Wii Fit tent. I did the yoga, of course, and it was super cool. Though not really keeping in the spirit of yoga since you are on a machine. However, it was awesome in correcting posture in the small time that I used it.

For Lois

This is my totally crooked shot of Chad and Olivia in front of the Chicago River. I took this for Chad's grandmother, Lois, even though she is no longer with us. Lois was from Chicago and she was thrilled to death that by some odd karmic connection her California grandson managed to marry a Chicago girl. Lois was a Godsend to me in respect to Chad's family. Chad's family always made me vaguely nervous when we were first married, they had odd California hours, customs, they were even a different religion. Lois liked Fanny Mae kept Midwest hours, was wickedly funny and reminded me of my own grandfather. I miss her terribly, but I am grateful that she got to spend time with Olivia before she left us and Olivia quite obviously adored her. Lois always claimed it was because Olivia recognized her Midwest accent, but i think it was because she recognized a kindred spirit. Lois was tough cookie; she worked in the Loop when a lot women didn't work, and she liked it. She never bought the whole staying at home thing, but she was always accepting of my decision to do so.

Lois was happy that we decided to stay in the Midwest even though it meant being far away from her. So in her honor this weekend I took Olivia on her first trip where she was able to wander around solo in the city of her great-grandmother. We admired tall buildings, talked to pigeons, shouted to boaters and ate a hot dog. I love you, Lois. I promise that I am raising a tough cookie, a Chicago girl, just like you would have wanted.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Well Chad and I celebrated our patriotism in the best way we know how, by driving down to my mother's and buying the last Wii in the tri-state area. Thank God there is us to keep this consumerist economy afloat. But Liz, you say, haven't you had a decade long ban on video games, don't you even not let your kid on the computer for fear that it will accelerate what appears to be teenage angst from a four year-old? Yes, it is true. I hate technology and all its environs and their hold over my husband. But I walked my credit card over to the store and bought a whole bunch of shit that I don't how to use and promptly had my credit card company call me a thief. Why? Because the only Wii left in the entire universe was at Wal mart in Round Lake Beach, IL. I have not shopped at Wal Mart since, well, I can't remember. SO I guess a random purchase in another state for hundreds of dollars of electronics at a Wal Mart sends up red flags. Whatever.

So how did it come to pass that I was purchasing a Wii. Super Mario Kart has a pink princess character who drives a pink car. Olivia got me hooked at the Best Buy on Wednesday by making a princess character who occasionally stopped her car to admire the view or talk to other characters or otherwise dillydally along along the track. At the end there were no accidents, no things blowing up, just happy star noises and she was as pleased as punch. While watching her play I realized that most of the Wii games weren't combative, fast, noisy or in any way going to trigger an epileptic fit in my child. And you can buy DDR, so I was sold. If for no reason other than I no longer have to sit in a noisy arcade to cheer her Disco Inferno moves on. So I bought one, had my resident teenagers teach me how to use it.

I then proceeded to kick every one's ass at tennis. Sure, you have that moment where you think, "I could be playing real tennis." Then you remember that the people playing with you would never actually walk onto a tennis court. And you can't play tennis alone while your kid naps upstairs. My sister has been laughing at me because apparently you are not supposed to use your whole body to play the games, but I can't fantasize that I am kicking ass at Wimbledon that way. So now the new rule is no playing the Wii sitting down and I am happy to report that Olivia shows about as much interest in the Wii as in the tv, therefore, I have no reason to suspect that they are sending her subliminal messages. However, we may never see or hear from Chad again.

Consumer Reports

So, I have some terrific friends, Sarah and Heather, who have also recently renovated their kitchen and they have been extremely generous about sharing info and just listening to me babble about what I may may or may not do about mine. If I were them I would hoard that information like a homeless person with a cart because it was hard won, but they are not me, thank God. So as a tribute to Sarah and Heather here are some products that I am loving from my remodel now.

1) Zak Confetti dishware in green. Completely recycled melamine in fun summer colors. Target has begun selling so much recycled dishware lately, that it makes me want to kiss them with tongue. Rumor has it that soon I will no longer have to go to Whole Foods for my Bambu disposable plates.

2) Pottery Barn Pillows-Blog readers meet my kitchen's color palette, palm pillows, meet my blog readers. This is a real departure for my house which is full of saturated colors. A little Florida without pukey pastels.

3) Marimekko blinds. Some little magical seamstress needs to appear at my door and use this fabric to make my blinds. What did Finland ever do to deserve Marimekko?

4) VOC free paint. So what if it doesn't come in 9 bajillion colors. My kitchen is white and it comes in that. Dries quicker and doesn't make your whole house smell like your lungs dying.

I like Madison store clerks here don't look at you like you are a big asshole when you ask them things like, is this sustainable? I have also learned all sorts of cool things about off-gassing and basically marvelled at the fact that I don't have cancer already. So think of me, dear readers, tomorrow when you are at work or home with your kids I will be paying someone lots and lots of money, but I will no longer have to fret about mearsuring, or cabinet choices. I will only fret about whether my choices and measurements were right.

Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer

So this morning I got up a whole 45 minutes before my daughter. I realized that Olivia and I had been spending too much time together when 45 minutes alone felt like heaven. I actually got to take a whole shower, alone. I even used a fraction of the ten thousand beauty products my mother and sister foist on me in an attempt to make me "more like a girl." I actually looked at my outfit before i put it on, made my bed and got to watch a whole blissful ten minutes of CNN. It's a desperate time when you miss the crap vacuum that is CNN.

I am so grateful that it is summer, even though it looks like something exploded in my home we have still been able to enjoy long days with bike rides (and by we I mean Chad and Olivia, fun fact about me: cannot stop while riding a bike) grilling and ice cream. We have even let Olivia have a few late nights to stargaze.

Tomorrow morning I may take the coffee maker out to the garage and enjoy a cup.