Whoa baby!

So Friday night I made the hop, skip and jump up to Green Bay to Angie's baby shower and what fun. I don't often get to participate in truly girlie rites of passage so I felt a little bit like a stranger in a strange land and was totally shown up by the mamma to be. That girl is seven months pregnant and still managed to squeeze her round self into an adorable cocktail dress and heels while I was sitting in the corner bitching about the fact that I couldn't wear flip flops.

I find many things about showers odd, like favors that no one ever takes home, but mostly the whole unwrapping gifts in front of others thing. I had to do this when I got married and I found it strange. I mean, I find it hard to keep up the level of enthusiasm for the twentieth gift that I had for the first, it is weird to be stared at for so long and I always feel the pressure to be entertaining since everyone else is stuck there for like an hour watching you open gifts.

However, when you help throw a party for Angie Oh you get an awesome thank you gift. Mine is a frilly vintage hostess apron that is right out of Leave It To Beaver. All I need now is pearls and kitten heels, look out Martha.

Cold medicine talking

So yesterday Chad had just finished mowing the lawn and we were enjoying the late daylight hours; it was a picture of Americana. I was doing some light gardening Chad and Olivia were working on Chad's back-up plan for Olivia's future (Plan A is for her to become the first female left-handed Major League pitcher. It has already been partially spoiled by the fact that she is right-handed) which is for her to become the next Michelle Wie. I couldn't help think that we were living the American Dream, to be fulfilled, happy homeowners waving to neighbors and soaking up the last of the moderate weather.

Then I woke up this morning to a head cold and a sink full of dirty dishes because I was too busy pulling the endless weeds in our yard to wash them. I asked Chad if he couldn't possibly help me out tomorrow, which is a very busy day for me, but alas, he has a golf tournament that was far more important. That is when I thought, American Dream, my ass. Chad should be grateful for the American Justice system that would send me to jail for punching him in the face right now. How unfair is that, by the way? Punch a complete stranger, you pay $168 bucks in court costs and are on your way. Punch your spouse and it is like three months in jail plus fines. This is where having a friend in the city attorney's office is dangerous. I ask you, if you knew that all that was going to happen to you is you were going to pay $168 to punch that guy who is dividing his groceries into three separate orders and paying three separate ways in the express lane at the grocery store, tell me you wouldn't think twice. Yeah, thought so.

Golf tournament. . .

Love Lorn

Chad and I had to retire a big part of our dating life today with the passing of Robert Rauschenberg. When Chad and i first started dating he thought it was really hot that I was an Art History major. I knew that he was the one for me because it thought it was hot and not totally ridiculous and nerdy. However, it could not be totally determined if he was the one for me until we toured a few museums and his taste was up to snuff. Chad was not totally ignorant about the visual arts, but my emphasis was contemporary sculpture, not area that your average art enthusiast has much exposure to. So after many tours I knew that I was head over heels when Chad finally committed to Robert Rauschenberg and Francis Bacon.

My first collage with Olivia was modeled after Rauschenberg. It is the end of the era. I am looking forward to the retrospectives so that Olivia can see how her parents fell in love.

From the High To The Low

So Chad and I had an event-full weekend which included our ninth wedding anniversary and the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. I consider it very important to spend at least one meal at a trashy restaurant as an homage to the fact that we were engaged in an Olive Garden (don't ask, it is truly is a sad, sad story). Yesterday, of course, was Mother's Day; Chad celebrated by going to Indianapolis to bust up a truck driving union. I tried to get really pissy about it, but I could only be sad that he had to go to Indianapolis, the only city in America where i feared being stabbed to death in my sleep in a Motel 6 on our move to Madison from DC. Seriously, it was the scariest night of my life.

I celebrated by not choking my daughter who was returned to me sleep-deprived, with a cold, and reeking of cigarette smoke from four days at my mother's.

So today I am again spouseless, coming down with a cold in a filthy house and an unmowed yard because I foolishly chose to "relax" on my vacation. A mistake to never again be repeated. How the mighty have fallen.

Lazy Lazy Lazy Jane

Wondering where I've been? Well, Olivia left for Grandma's on Wednesday so you know I have been busy, doing what, I am not totally sure. More relaxing than usual, maybe that Celexa is kicking in after all. Yesterday I got to hog Rachel's baby all to myself, a total treat, tried out a new fab restaurant, ate truffles and did a crossword with my main squeeze, which was the most fun thing i have done in months. Chad has been working a lot lately so even just a whole conversation with him is like a vacation in itself. We used the whole conversation to start planning our vacation, yippee Minneapolis here we come!

Today's kidless adventure? Doing stuff for the kid. I have concocted an elaborate plan to build a small stage for Olivia's performances after discovering her complete and utter excitement at building a puppet theatre out of a shoe box. Seriously, I am thinking about patenting the thing, it has stadium seating, an orchestra pit, drop downs for multiple backdrops and it folds up to the size of a shoe box! If ever a kid had a flair for the dramatic, it's Olivia, a theatre will be a great way to reclaim under-utilized space.

Oh, also I have been taking snapshots like the one above and reading reading and more reading. I swear, I need to convince my mom to do this more often; i feel like an almost sane person.

The Most Exciting Thing Since, Well Never

Johnny Depp's new movie is filming here in Madison, and while Edward Scissorhands himself will not be here, the equally hot Christan Bale is here!! Here is our local paper's link to some exterior shots. Chad got to go down and watch today and he thought it was pretty fun to see how a movie is made. I stayed home with my child who refused to get out of her Halloween costume from two years ago, and also refused to leave the house for any reason. She has officially holed herself up in the living and is insisting on staying there until she completes a 250 piece puzzle.

Only a day and a half until she is with Grandma.

I Have Seen Evil

and it's name is Polly Pockets. Olivia had a play date yesterday with her very lovely, girly, calm and delicate best friend who owns the most evil toys in the whole world. Ellie own things like porcelain tea sets and doll house with million of small pieces that give me small heart attacks every time my daughter goes anywhere near them. However, nothing compares to these ridiculous Polly Pockets. There are literally miniature dolls the size of your index finger and they have little clothes and little accessories that are impossible to take on and off. Now, Ellie's mother may be fine with this because her daughter can dress a doll once and be happy. Not my kid. In Olivia's mind the whole point of having six outfits is to put them all on, preferably all at once. Anyone who has ever seen Olivia dress herself has seen this in action, layers of everything from tights to a shirt over a pajama top, skirt over jeans. Luckily, we live in a place where hippies go to die so I can pass this absurdity off as boho-chic.

So here I am, struggling to put on these little tiny clothes that require the fine motor skills of a watchmaker and are just about as delicate. Needless to say, at the silent auction last night where my choices were a basket full of My Little Ponies and Polly Pockets and a kid sized chair and a giant floor puzzle, Olivia is now the proud owner of a giant world map puzzle. Part of me knows that by denying her the Polly Pockets that I am only digging myself a miniature grave made of plastic shoes the size of a pin head, yet that does not stop me from shoving equally absurd things like giant world map puzzles down her throat. I will happily clear my entire living room of furniture so assemble a puzzle larger than my child as long as i never again have to exhaust myself thinking about how in the world I am going to get a hideous pink, plastic glitter dress on something so small I could flush it down the toilet.