This proves my theory

That they are, in fact, putting crack in my Starbucks. Chad wants to know who the poor sucker is that is getting 30 mg, because we think Madison has the 200mg version.

Pillow Talk-A Scene In One Act

Chad: Complaining about the order in which ESPN is showing baseball highlights Who cares about the Oriels?

Liz: Watching Mastercard commercial Forget that. Why does the elephant buy the soup first? The soup should be last so it stays hot. To self-Why an elephant? A monkey could make the trip much faster.

Chad:What are you talking about?

Liz: I should make a blog post about the things we talk about after we turn off the light, we're funny.

Chad: I hope the post isn't as long as your talking after the light goes out.

PS

I realized that I was just throwing around the whole rocket scientist cliche, but I actually get to say that I know a rocket scientist now. One our friends is an honest-to-God rocket scientist. He doesn't put in on his business card though. I totally would. So, I'm going on Friendster now to find me a brain surgeon friend. Sorry, Brit oncology is nice and all, but now that we have a rocket scientist that kind of raises the bar. We'll still keep you for that whole Fulbright Scholarship thing though, and you did marry a guy who builds robots.

ANTM-The Mommy Cycle

So for all you reality tv show people out there if you are not watching America's Next Top Model, you should be. It is the best of the worst. They take random teenage girls out of a shopping mall and unleash Tyra Banks' crazy ass on them. They do challenges, and photo shoots and runway walks and make modeling seem like rocket science. While I am willing to admit it is not as easy as just standing there and looking pretty, I can't take it this seriously.

So I have decided to develop my own pilot. America's Next Top Mommy. It will be for all the late twenties/early thirties mothers out there who can still remember when they were thin and willing to sit in a freezing cold pool in a bikini, but want to be reassured that what they are doing now is just as hard. Frankly, motherhood is a lot like modeling. You can make it look like it takes a rocket scientist, but really as most MTV shows prove, any jackass you pick up in a mall can do it.

We'll have challenges like throwing you into a playgroup and you have to remember the kids' AND the moms' names. Or- It's your kids birthday, you are bringing the treat to school, but wait! One of the kids is a allergic to nuts and eggs, but your kid is still insisting on cupcakes!!!! I could host the final challenge where you have your period, you were up all night completing the perfect no-sew Halloween costume and now your kid is whining that they want to be something different, plus the hamster is loose. America's Next Top Mommy cannot lose her temper. If you do the host, me, starts screaming at you, "What, your kid is whining? I have chaperoned pre-school field trips where all twelve children whined. Twelve! Maybe you just aren't cut out for this business." Okay, maybe that's only funny if you have seen the show. Tyra's always had it worse.

Oxygen, Lifetime, call me I think I have a winner. I could reduce more grown women to tears than Supernanny.

I love NOLA

Liv and I were listening to our NOLA Playground cd which is like zydeco for kids and I was thinking about how much I miss NO. I have been twice now and I can't wait to get back. I love the decay, the art, the food, and even the booze. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a drinker, but in NO I am. It brings out the romantic in me, a whole city whose life's ambition is to do nothing.

In this moment I could almost sacrifice my birthday snowboarding trip. Almost.

Opening day

Go A's, Cards, Cubbies, Red Sox, Giants and any other team Chad tries to claim as his own if it means he gets to watch one more game. I love Opening Day as long as I don't think about all the subsequent days that I will be watching pitch, hit, catch and repeat. I love you baby, I hope you and your girl had a great time!

You can't return to Neverland

I have been excited about the re-release of Peter Pan, not only because I remember it fondly, but because Olivia loves anything pirate! This ensemble includes a hook and sword and is usually worn with her adorable skull and crossbones dress that I scored from H&M. So last night we rent it and I am shocked. Does anyone else remember Peter Pan being horribly racist and portraying all the women in the movies as completely shallow, two dimensional characters that exist to serve Peter Pan? There is actually a line about the "red-man" being cunning, but not intelligent. Granted the "red-man" wins in the end, but only with the help of Peter Pan.

Angie-do not even say it! I am not trying to be a PC freak, I know this was done in another time. I love Barbie as much as the next girl, and consider the stuff about her distorting my body image as complete bunk. Yet, by the end of Peter Pan I was furious. How do I reconcile watching a movie about a misogynist narcissist as entertaining? Yet, where does it end? Every Disney princess movie ever made is about a girl who wants nothing in this world other than to find herself a man to rescue her from her woes. Why are princesses always motherless? I don't want to be a killjoy, but how much of this stuff can a little girl take before it undermines all the women in her life that are doctors, lawyers, principals and professionals?

Note the irony of her being photographed in front of her princess castle!