ANTM-The Mommy Cycle

So for all you reality tv show people out there if you are not watching America's Next Top Model, you should be. It is the best of the worst. They take random teenage girls out of a shopping mall and unleash Tyra Banks' crazy ass on them. They do challenges, and photo shoots and runway walks and make modeling seem like rocket science. While I am willing to admit it is not as easy as just standing there and looking pretty, I can't take it this seriously.

So I have decided to develop my own pilot. America's Next Top Mommy. It will be for all the late twenties/early thirties mothers out there who can still remember when they were thin and willing to sit in a freezing cold pool in a bikini, but want to be reassured that what they are doing now is just as hard. Frankly, motherhood is a lot like modeling. You can make it look like it takes a rocket scientist, but really as most MTV shows prove, any jackass you pick up in a mall can do it.

We'll have challenges like throwing you into a playgroup and you have to remember the kids' AND the moms' names. Or- It's your kids birthday, you are bringing the treat to school, but wait! One of the kids is a allergic to nuts and eggs, but your kid is still insisting on cupcakes!!!! I could host the final challenge where you have your period, you were up all night completing the perfect no-sew Halloween costume and now your kid is whining that they want to be something different, plus the hamster is loose. America's Next Top Mommy cannot lose her temper. If you do the host, me, starts screaming at you, "What, your kid is whining? I have chaperoned pre-school field trips where all twelve children whined. Twelve! Maybe you just aren't cut out for this business." Okay, maybe that's only funny if you have seen the show. Tyra's always had it worse.

Oxygen, Lifetime, call me I think I have a winner. I could reduce more grown women to tears than Supernanny.