Yeah, that nice Christmas dinner and tree trimming? Olivia sat up in the middle of dinner and VOMITED ALL OVER THE TABLE-twice. Then walked into the living room and, wait for it, VOMITED RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TREE.

So, yeah, merry freaking Christmas. I will be spending tomorrow in the doctor's office because Olivia vomiting means only strep throat. Then I will be snowed in with our incoming ten inches and a puker. If you are reading this and you are related to me, I have some terrible news. There are no gifts coming, and no Christmas cards either. No cookies, no candies.

But I got those damn ornaments on.

Learning Curve

So today, after days of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I called in sick to Christmas. i gave my car to Chad so i couldn't be tempted to run just one more errand and stayed home with my kid. My poor kid who hasn't had a whole day to just play in over a month just about lost her head. She would literally stop mid-game and say, "Wait I just remembered one more thing that we could do!" So tonight we will have soup and then take advantage of the one day this week that it is not going to snow 7 inches and go see some Christmas lights. Maybe we will even get around to trimming the tree that has been standing in our living room for five days.

I forgot that Christmas was fun.

Show Stopper

Understandably, the one thing that has been hitting my aunt really hard about the chemo is losing her hair. The only thing hitting her harder is the wig she has to wear until it grows back. Since my offers to shave my head were promptly rejected, the only thing I had to offer was Olivia doing a bizarre little dance while wearing the wig. This may be funny to absolutely no one else, but even the thought of her wearing this wig makes me crack up.

Why I Am A Lazy Bastard

So the activity today was go to a Christmas concert. We are really fortunate in Madison to have a ton of free or cheap concerts going at pretty much all times. So when I started reading the list of today's concerts I knew before I even finished what we would be seeing. Olivia's all time greatest obsession, The Trinity Irish Dancers. I have seen these kids perform I don't know how many times and every time I do the inevitable conversation comes up that makes me a lazy bastard. Olivia has been begging to join the troop for about a year now, but I don't have the heart to tell her that it is a cult. A wig-wearing, high kicking cult. A cult that would require me to spends hundreds of dollars, give up my Tuesday evenings and most of my Saturdays to watching her wear a tacky costume and jumping up and down and I just can't do it. This is my parenting line in the sand, no Irish dancing.

Chad is giving it six months before I cave.

Adventagious

So instead of candy in the advent calendar we choose the high road of daily Advent activities. Olivia has added it to her growing list of why we are The Worst Parents Ever (insert eye roll here). In some ways it is a great way to squeeze in all those Christmas things that you wouldn't do unless your kid was waving a small piece of paper in your face as her proof that you MUST do it or suffer the loud tantrum consequences. On the other hand, you have to do crap. And trust me, coming up with 25 days of stuff starts to get creative somewhere around day 16. I believe next week I will be having a picnic under the Christmas tree.

For the first time ever, shockingly, Olivia has started to refuse to participate in certain activities. I thought that Olivia would be much older when I found myself saying through clenched teeth, "It is Christmas and we will sit here and sing carols or so help me God no one will get presents."

Suck It Martha!

A masterpiece to rival Michaelangelo and only a minimal amount of candy was consumed. However, a ridiculous amount of frosting ended up in her hair.

What You Learn After 12 Days Hanging With Someone Undergoing Chemo and Putting Your Grandfather In A Nursing Home

Yeah, good times. So, I have been busy. I have learned that all the years of my stinginess with television and sweets all came to fruition when I needed to get a four year-old to sit, still, quietly. Endless Hershey kisses and Nickelodeon can apparently achieve just that. I learned that it is, indeed, not possible to stage an intervention for a woman and her Lifetime movies (but you can give positive reinforcement for her love of Rachel Maddow). I learned you can be the classiest people in the room in a wig and a three year-old Old Navy skirt. That life as I know it would cease to exist without caffeine free Diet Coke and Trazadone. That no matter how much you love someone they can't live forever. That all you can do in life is try to make the right choices and the rest really isn't up to you. That Chanel nail polish is the best stocking stuffer of the season, even Oprah says so. And those assholes in Florida have a better Target than me. Seriously, I have 100 inches of snow, the least I deserve is the best Target. Bitches.