Compromising Position

It is not secret that lately my child has been a hellion. Whenever I tell someone that we are adopting a second child their usual response is something along the lines of, "Are you ready for a child who misbehaves?" Now, I am not trying to claim that Olivia is generally ill-behaved, however Chad and I have experienced our fair share of trying behavior from our one and only. A quick example from this past week is: After refusing to brush her teeth one morning, I informed Olivia that she was not allowed to exit the bathroom until rudimentary dental hygiene had been performed. She proceeded to empty the entire contents of my linen closet onto the floor, throw a cup against the wall-shattering it, and when that did not do the trick she spread half a tube of toothpaste all over the bathroom sink. When she defiantly showed me the end result of her tantrum and my only response was, "Wow that's going to take you awhile to clean up." she dissolved to tears, apologies and self-flagellation.

Chad and I have spent many hours discussing the root of this new and challenging behavior (that is only one of many doozy tantrum stories)and all we can come up with is Olivia has hit the stage that we all do where you realize that you don't want to compromise about anything anymore. Anyone who has been married for a long time, had a horrible boss, demanding friend, domineering mother has hit this point where you feel like if you have to compromise about one more thing you are moving to a cabin in the woods and sending out demands via a #10 envelope. I will admit to having deatiled fantasies about being marooned on a desert island where there is no laundry or people talking to me. I empathize, which is why I can't be truly mad at her behavior, frustrated yes, but in the end I know how heartbreaking it is to come to that realization that never again in your life will you be able to have anything that you truly want when you want it.

My mother is one of twelve children so, naturally, I was raised to believe that you never get anything that you want, life is compromise and you should be grateful for whatever it is that you do have, even if it is not what you wanted. As I got older and had bosses, I learned that even if it is not how you think it should be done, you do it, and in marriage you learn to constantly compromise to create harmony in your home and life. One day you realize that you don't even remember what it is that you truly want, only that you want to get along. The millions of little choices you make every single day, not telling the woman behind you in the grocery that no one cares about the injustice that double coupons are only on Wednesdays, not eating cake for lunch, telling your mother that no that sounds like a great idea, when you know it will be a disater that you are going to be hearing about for months. I realize that this is an important quality to have to get through life and to be a good person and I have to teach Olivia to compromise, but I feel more compelled to teach her to be a little selfish, to hold onto those things you want a little tighter. Otherwise you have an afternoon like mine* where you are struck with how desperate you seem when you get a little taste being uncompromising.