*

So in the midst of my soul-searching about Olivia's misbehavior I decided to look into my own culpability. I know that remaining calm is what I need to do, but it is a challenge when, say she is digging her fingernails into you and screaming' "I hate you, you are the stupidest Mommy ever!!!!!" when you are in, say, the Walgreens.

So I decided that I have had enough of being a good mother who does not choke her daughter and I was going to hire my sitter an extra day this week and do whatever I want-no compromising. Here is where the sad and desperate part comes in, I will give you a quick sketch of what three hours comes down to and you will see how the little things add up.

1) I called my grandfather from my driveway. I never get to talk to my grandfather without Olivia talking over the conversation. In fact, I never get to have any conversation where Olivia doesn't but in, talk over, or try to get on the phone herself and no amount of time outs or loss of privledges has curbed this behavior. My grandfather is the worst though because he insists on talking to her and if there is any kind of torture for me in hell it is going to be translating the conversation between and 88 year-old man and five year-old.

2) I went to the library to read magazines and look through the new releases. Forget flip through a magazine, I never get to leave the kids' section when I go to the library.

3) I conducted my Taco Bell ritual**.

4) I went on a walk through the marsh to see if my running path was still submerged, and I got to walk at a brisk pace, no stopping, just peace and quiet.

So if you find yourself paying another human being money to allow you to do such menial things as go to the library, make a phone call and eat Taco Bell you may be compromising too much in your daily life. After today all I could wonder is what would everyone I know do if they could do something for three hours that they feel they would never get to do otherwise? Would Chad beach out and watch three hours of baseball on full volume while simultaneously surfing the web? I often wonder if when I am gone he throws his wet towel on the floor in defiance.