Al and Elizabeth Have A Sit Down

Al, I know that you have raised an awareness about Global Warming and that is very important, but I need to speak to you about something. Well, there is no good way to put this. Al, I want the globe to warm just a little bit more. The fact of the matter is I want to lose another three pounds before Christmas and the cold weather is really putting a damper on things. I understand people in Bangladesh are suffering, but so is that size 12 dress if I don't fit into it by New Year's and the suffering of our nation's apparel is a plight that is vastly overlooked.

Now don't get testy, I know I live in a cold weather place. But isn't that just semantics? I mean really with a hole in the ozone that big does anywhere really need to be cold anymore? I think that a little CO2 emission situation could really relieve the housing bubbles on the coasts. Everywhere could be as warm as California or Miami. And I reiterate, I don't like to run in the cold, or the cold dark. Why hasn't Global Warming dealt with daylight saving time yet? It is dark when I get up and dark before I eat dinner, now there is a crisis.

Oh please, now you are just getting high and mighty. You shared that medal with the UN and it didn't even boost your polling numbers. I mean really, come on. Like YOU are carbon neutral? Look at you. A small village in Southeast Asia starved so you there was enough food to feed you today. AL! AL! I'm sorry okay? I know you are sensitive about the weight gain. Al! Don't be like this. No, we talked about this, that is a terrible idea. Well he can think that all he wants but Barak doesn't always have your best interests at heart does he?

Tipper! Tipper! Al has locked himself in the bathroom again, he is threatening to grow out the beard. Bring me Boca Nuggets, that's what got him out last time.