It's Official, God Hates Me

SO when did we start renovating the kitchen, June? My microwave has been sitting on my living room floor for seven months. While all that squatting may be giving me a J-Lo ass, lying on my stomach to clean the fucking thing has been no picnic. Confused as to why someone who has gone on long tirades against pre-packaged foods uses her microwave so much? I have a four year-old. That kid has to microwave everything. All drinks must be microwaved for 20 seconds, all food, she would put her clothes in that microwave if I let her. For the simple reason that it is an apparatus that she can work ALL BY HERSELF. Until she realizes that she can't because she has to squat down to get it out too.

So Thursday I finally had a meltdown and called out the lesbian posse to rehang the microwave and all day long I did a little dance about not having to lay on the floor to clean the microwave. After two hours, the thing was hung, and it was beautiful until we realized the motherfucking thing would not turn on. An hour later, the troubleshooting guide run through twice, I now have no microwave at all.

It was hubris, folly. God is punishing me for just not being grateful that I had a working microwave and now i doomed to dry the tears of four sobbing kid because her milk is cold.