How The Sam's Club Might, One Day, Save Your Life

So this week was one of those perfect storms of crazy. Since Chad was at CES last week, Olivia and I didn't grocery shop or do much cleaning and this weekend I did one of those quick shops just to get me through the weekend since Chad was so sick and needed me at home. Well, Olivia and I woke up Monday morning with the dreaded horrible cold and Chad was MIA because he found out while he was at CES that he was going to get to write a brief for the WI Supreme Court this week. This is very exciting for him and we are cheering him on from the couch, however it sucks for anyone who might ever want to see Chad because to write one of these things you need to live at the office for a week. It is actually kind of funny because Olivia and I have turned it into a game where we try to guess when he has been in the house based on what he has left lying around. Chad has turned our basement into a bachelor pad so he doesn't disturb us with his odd comings and goings. I'm afraid he likes it down there.

Anyway, the perfect storm occurs when you crawl out of bed in a decongestant induced haze and you realize you are living in Mad Max. There are just random piles of things around the house, overflowing garbage and, you guessed it, completely empty cabinets. Olivia and I have been living off of canned pineapple, breakfast cereal and anything that can be made out of spaghetti sauce. Basically, any of my canned non-perishables from the Sam's Club. About once a day Chad would drop off some sort of fast food and Olivia and I would descend on it like hyenas in the wild. So today, though I am positive that I was more dangerous than any drunk driver, we ventured out to the grocery store.

You should have seen this cart. After years of mocking people for buying the pre-cut fruit and salad fixings from grocery store salad bars (I mean, come on, how lazy do you have to be to not boil your own eggs?) I was there shovelling objects in little plastic containers with abandon. I drew the line at grapes, no matter how delirious I am I can still wash my own grapes. The rest of the cart consisted mainly of juices, lunchmeats and anything else Olivia had the savvy to sneak in there. I have never had a better time grocery shopping ever. I have never been so happy to eat a salad, and I really like salad.

Though I do thank the Sam's Club for keeping my child and I from imminent starvation, I think it was actually one ripe mango that saved my life this week.