Like a bad habit

So, as I mentioned earlier in the week Fancy Simple's theme this week is about bad habits. I was reading through one of the other poster's blogs and it hit me all at once what my true worst habit is. I used to think that it was Mommy guilt. The whole, I fed her a waffle and put her in front of the tv thing (the waffle was whole wheat and the tv was PBS!!!). I used to think that this was every woman, every mother I knew. We all wanted to keep up with Martha Stewart, that neighbor whose kid never has a tantrum, your playgroup friends who are skinnier now then they ever were. While I think all of this is a problem, most of the time I am able to check myself and say, "She's fine and there isn't much that I can do to work harder at this." I think the real problem is that this is all we are worried about.

My bad habit is that i have forgotten that I exist. It kind of goes hand in hand with my inability to say no or ever tell another person (other than my husband and child) that I am angry at the way that they behave. I am a doormat. Not with my kid, but with every other living person on this planet. My mother, my friends, pre-school teachers, my neighbors, at first I thought I was just helping out. That's what a good friend does, what any person should do. I stay at home, I have time, a good mother is involved at school. Blah, blah, blah. All the sudden you have stopped thinking about going back to work (when would squeeze in work, I am already overcommitted?), you haven't had a manicure in six months (why would I spend the money, Olivia is out paint, I'll go pick that up instead) and you are trying to fix a hole in your husband's pants because you don't want to go back to the tailor and fight with her AGAIN. Oh, did I mention that I don't sew?

So there it is, this confession much more depressing than disclosing my weight, I can't drag my ass out of bed four days a week and run off being a great big sap. If I could I would probably stop the binge eating that relates to said running though and that would be nice. I know that Fancy Simple is supposed to be about bad habits like, I bite my nails, I give unsolicited advice to new moms in grocery stores, and I always park too far over in the garage. But, I am way better at being really hard on myself so I prefer to list my bad habits as doormat, binge eater, passive- agressive snarker, gossipy, oh and judgemental. VERY judgemental.

So there you have it. It is a little freeing in the sense that I hope people read this and say, "Well at least I don't binge eat." See, bad habit.