Guest Post - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!

Chad here. After yesterday's touching post, it's only fair that I take the opportunity today to sneak onto Liz's blog and wish her a very happy birthday. I don't know of anyone who's more deserving of a special day in her honor. Liz is funny, loving, and she does more in one day to ensure Olivia is ready for her future than most parents do in a month. I don't know quite how I lucked into having this beautiful woman in my life, but I'm glad I did. I love you more than anything, and I hope you have a great day and a great year.

(And to the loyal readers of this blog: don't worry, the inter-family lovefest is almost over and the snarky blogging you know and love will return shortly.)

All it took was a quick cruise though my photo album to remind me of what a good dad Chad is. Cutting down Christmas trees, performing alongside Olivia at her dance recital, videoing her first laugh, teaching her everything in life that is important like how to work a video game controller and what a double play is. Today when I asked him if we should have Olivia's portrait taken since most of our candid photos involve terrific fashion trainwrecks, his response? "Without the those outfits it just wouldn't seem like her." He is Olivia's hero, best friend, man of her dreams, co-conspirator and greatest advocate against her evil, over-programming mother. He is the savior of a carefree childhood and provider of all illicit treats. His only admonition is to be good for Mommy.

I maintain to this day and will tell anyone who asks that my greatest life accomplishment is finding the man who would be an unbelievable father to my child. The man who carried around the ultrasound picture of his child the approximate size of a kidney bean and showed it to people unsolicited and at random. The man who blew off his friends because his daughter was more fun to take to the game. The man who knows his most important job as a father is to tell his wife what a good mother she is, every day. I feel sad every year at Father's Day that the only way to tell my husband that he is my dream come true is to grill red meat and go to a baseball game. Soon Olivia will take over the mantle and shower her father with delightful gifts and appreciation. And probably all the treats I refuse to let him eat.

Olivia, poster girl of healthy animosity

Olivia was the fan photo of the week at the Mallards web site. You can check it out here by going to the bottom of the page.

If you'll excuse me i have to pack up her baseball lunchbox for tonight's game so that she can pick up her new t-shirt for being fan of the week. Pretty soon she won't have to bother with non-Mallards clothing at all.

When it rains it pours

I can only imagine how hard it has been to live without my posts this week but you can comfort yourself with the fact that you are not going to have to build an ark to save your family. Seriously, have you turned on the weather channel this week? That is us motherf@#$ers!!! Those houses floating away, tornadoes, hail, it is end of the world weather here. How it is happening to us I don't understand, we are the Midwest, the last of the God-fearing people.

Anyway, so I left the lush tropics of Southwest Florida to come home and bail out the basement. I knew my week was not going to go well when Liv and i had to make an emergency landing and were met by half a dozen emergency vehicles. Then the basement flooded, but not in the part where we have removeable carpet tiles, oh no, a whole new part of the basement that required ripping up carpeting and baseboards. Then I broke my baby toe (ok, severely sprained, but that shit hurt) and then Chad decided we needed a dog. Add to that our kitchen remodel being pushed back, again, and I want a vodka tonic and a nap. And maybe some chocolate cookies and a Law and Order marathon. Yeah, that should do it.

Okay, my eyeballs are falling out from watching election coverage so this will be short. I am out of town for the next week so posting will be light to non-existent.

Do You Believe In Magic?

My friend Rachel send me this e-mail today. "Ellie's wand cast a spell on my tummy today to give me another baby. But then Ellie uncast the spell and decided the spell should be cast on you! Keep us posted."

I don't have the heart to tell Ellie that there is only one kind of magic wand that can make that happen, and let's just say it is not as magical as it used to be. Ouch it was too easy, I couldn't resist!

To make up for it I will tell a self-depricating story. Not long ago I was conversing with a female aquaintance about my excitement over the Sex and The City movie and she gave me a not so-subtle once-over and said, "Really? I wouldn't have pegged you as being into that sort of thing." So there's my ouch. i would just like to say that even though I am generally smeared with fingerpaint and a vague sticky substance, could be toothpaste, could be melon from breakfast, that does not mean that i do not hold a deep and abiding love for Narciso Rodriguez and the only way I keep myself from eating that second brownie is the hope that some day I might shove my fat ass into ready-to-wear.

In A Galaxy Far Far Away

Okay this is one of those hilarious videos that belong on You Tube because of the general hilarity of the subject matter. This is Olivia's dress rehearsal for her dance recital. I should note that no part of this is choreographed, what you hear in the background in the teacher yelling random prompts like, try to get lower, or try a spin so as not to get a recital full of girls running around in a circle that is the dance equivalent of the soccer players running in a pack. So every one of these moves is totally random and sprung from Olivia's head in that exact moment.

I would like everyone to note the subtle nuances of Olivia's performance like: she is always the first one on the stage, while you can't see it in this clip she also has the longest bow and has to be physically removed from the stage, she plays equally well to the camera and the mirror behind the camera to make sure all eyes are on her at all times, including her own, Olivia's chosen character (or motivation) for this stellar performance is pink and purple melting ice cream which is both specific and VERY dramatic.

What I feel is most important to note is that there is one lone boy in Olivia's class so in an attempt to balance the scales of power the teacher let Emil choose the music. It makes the video methinks.