Sweet idea

So olivia and i are having a welcome home tea party for all her animals yesterday and she informs me that there is a monster at the door. I ask her to invite him to tea she responds that he cannot come to tea because he is a monster and not nice. "I will ask him to come to dessert after tea, Mama. Everyone is nice at dessert." So true, so true.

Speaking of sweet yummies, for all of you Top Chef fans out there, pastry chef Elizabeth Falkner has a cookbook out. I saw her cook a recipe on Martha yesterday and I have to have it.

Crisis of conscience

So I am driving in my car listening to crappy local radio today, feeling a little dejected about the fact that my car model has been discontinued so my dreams of just trading in for the same car for the rest of my life have been dashed. I am roadkill in the bigger is better phenom. Despite all this global warming shit, apparently my car needs to be big enough to have seven passengers in it. I know I gripe that my car is uncomfortable on road trips, that I can't fit a car seat behind my seat, at least not comfortably, and that local radio is fraught with commercials and bad songs. So why can't I bring myself to upgrade?

I guess I never realized how much a vehicle is an expression of self. My little car is practical, versatile, compact, fuel-efficient, yet not a sedan, a wagon. A wagon, the dying breed of motherhood, my childhood. I can't believe I am doing a post about my car.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back

I find it disturbing that I have never seen an episode of Welcome Back, Cotter, yet I know the theme song. Anyway, we're back from my aunt's house in lovely Florida and we had a great time. Olivia would probably say that the pool was her favorite, however when she started bawling and trying to take her luggage back from the ticket agent (no, I am not exaggerating) I would say that she enjoyed it all. My aunt's house is a stranger in a strange land experience on many levels. My favorite part of Olivia's week was seeing all the cool and different animals, bugs, plant life down there. Frogs in our shower, little lizards everywhere, snails with shells, alligators, all very cool to a three year-old and her mama. It is also this magical bubble-land where I do nothing but read In Touch magazine, live in a gorgeous house, and ride around in a Lexus all week. If Chad had come with us we might never have left.

Thar she blows

Apparently it is Talk like A Pirate Day, or Wednesday as it is know in Olivia's house. What kills me is that it is international talk like a pirate day, the craziness cannot be contained by our borders. of course, johnny Depp needs no translation, yaaaar. . .

The next time anyone gives me crap about the things I have time for as a SAM I am showing them this picture. Someone is doing that. Someone whose child hates them because they haven't been talked to in a year.

What I Did On My Attorney Retreat

Hung over is more like it. Chad's work retreat is with a bunch of lawyers. I don't know how many of my readers have experience with dealing with large groups of attorneys, but they like to drink. A lot. AA was invented for these people. It was like Friday in college, the drinking started before lunch and didn't stop ever. I have never been a real big drinker, but I let it go a little this weekend because if you didn't it was you in a cabin with no heat in freezing temperatures and a bunch of drunk people.

So if I had taken photos it would show me running down a dark path at 2 AM holding a bottle of Absolut Citron so that I could go mix it with Sprite, possibly the vile cocktail I have tasted. Scratch that, somebody handed me something with grapefruit vodka that was worse.

Oh, and I found out that I am allergic to tuna, and I learned it the hard way. We also had a nice hike.

The End

Revolving door

So this was my living room today. I took all this down to the laundry room, washed it, and put it right back in the suitcase to leave for Florida on Thursday. I can now do solo flights with Olivia in my sleep. So much so that on my pro/con list for having more children actually included "Would be harder to fly alone." So for all of you parents who fly with children, or for all of you who haven't flown recently here are my top 10 things I need for a smooth flight.

1) Cash-Chad disputes this because he hates to carry it, but this is a holdover from my childhood when my Grandpa always put $10 in my purse to fly home.

2) Curb-side check-in-Since 9/11 this has been more of a challenge because people have caught on to the fact that they can skip the long lines inside. However, just for the convenience of not having to haul luggage, car seats and strollers, curb-side is a life saver.

3) Banana bread-A healthy, homemade snack is a must have in the days of no more airplane food and iffy layover times.

4) Baby wipes-Even though Olivia is potty trained wipes are a must to clean sticky hands, sticky trays, or just to clean up when the line for the sink is a mile long.

5) Empty water bottle-Now that they will no longer let you carry water through security this is a must have so you can save yourself buying water.

6) Slip on shoes-You now have to take off your shoes to go through security no matter what, so make it easy on yourself.

7) Thin magazines like Newsweek or The Week-A magazine that is too bulky or a book is hard to read with one hand and one of my hands is inevitably propping up a sleeping child.

8) Something new-Whether it be a new book for the kid, or a new cardigan for you the stresses and aggravation of flying are quickly dispelled when you are rubbing brand new cashmere.

9) A spoonful of honey-To be used on your flight attendant. They aren't as helpful as they used to be. Let's face it, they are doing more flights for less pay and they aren't happy about it. However, a pleasant passenger is a bright spot in their day and friendly chit chat has gotten me everything from toys and games for Olivia to all of my carry-ons strapped to their luggage and carried to the next gate to meet a tight connection.

10) Endurance and your own blanket-Whether it be running around in cirlces to get the wiggles out on layovers, starting over with all the toys and trying to make something new out of them because you have been stuck on the runway for three hours (oh yes, I have done that) and of course, the blanket is for naps all around.

I am debating hiring myself out as a plane nanny.

Funny man

So, I know I already blogged about Brad and his site, but I checked it today and he has all his links to his boyfriend Mike, and his blog is possibly even more hilarious (sorry Brad, you'll just have to bust out the A material). So here it is. Besides everyone needs a website where they can find things like links to where you can see a man wrap his penis around his wrist. i think that link may have changed my life.